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Dealing with Hate

Updated: Mar 15, 2021

I feel like everyone has experienced a little bit of hate over their years. In a way, it's normal that not everyone likes you, and there will be some fools who decide that their opinion of you needs to be expressed.

As a trans woman, I face hate on a regular basis - and I am not writing this to get pity points from you, or because I don't want Karen to think she's the only one receiving all the hate.

You'd be surprised at how many times I have received negative comments about "choosing" to be transgender.

But even before I came out, I was bullied for being too feminine and "camp".

Childhood hate

I grew up during the era where the word "gay" was gaining popularity as an insult, and I was at the receiving end of it.

You can read about my Secondary School Experience (1), but all you need to know is that I would be called a "gay boy" for at least three years of my life.

Bullying is a real issue in almost every school, and they are tackled as best as they can be - but kids will always call others names. It was hard. I was always made fun of, and admittedly, I didn't have many friends back then.

Honestly, I didn't know how to deal with it at school.

I think what really broke my heart, wasn't the fact that I was being bullied - but what my father told me I should do to resolve the problem.

Firstly, he told me that the problem was me.

Which, as you could imagine, wasn't exactly the confidence boost a 12 year old needed.

He then went on to explain that I needed to fit in with all the other boys. He suggested that I read the news the day before going to school, so that I could have something to talk about in class. Which isn't exactly the best idea, knowing that most of the boys in my classes were either talking about girls, games, or sporting activities I had no idea about.

How I dealt with childhood hate:

So, I was left to deal with it myself. I did what any 12 year old would, and I grew an extremely thick skin. Over the years, I became accustomed to being the little "gay boy" in my school - but I just took it on the chin and never spoke about it. The guys would slowly back off, but I was still stuck underneath the thick skin I built up - knowing I couldn't be me.

Back then, I would deal with hate by praying people would give up after while, and trying to be the person they expected me to be.

Teen Hate

... Then I became a teenager - and now that I wasn't being called gay as much, people wanted me to come out as gay.

Are you crazy?

Someone literally told me "why don't you just come out already, we'd accept you being gay".

Because I'm not gay, sis.

I wouldn't directly call this hate, but people thought I was being disingenuous, which was just as hurtful, if not more, than being called gay.

How I dealt with teen hate:

I ignored my "friends" who thought they knew more about my sexuality than I did. You should never let anyone tell you how you should feel or act.

Transgender hate

When I came out as transgender, I received a lot of love and support - but I knew that there would be plenty of hate that comes along with it too.

Thankfully most of that hate came from people I didn't know, and frankly, didn't give a single f about. This made it much easier for me to cope with.

But this hate was nothing like I had experienced before. People were genuinely mad and frustrated that I am trans.

I would never want to give haters a platform on which I would share their thoughts and opinions, because they should keep their opinions to themselves. But seen as this is a article about hate, I will give you a taste of the comments I had to face.

"Well sadly you don't look happy, even now. Sucks that people don't accept themselves for who they are from birth"

... Well, I am very sorry to break it to you sis, but I came out because I was able to accept myself.

And I know what she means, why couldn't I accept being male? Because I couldn't accept being unhappy for the rest of my life. I am finally being myself - and I wish everyone comes to a point in their lives where they can put themselves first.

I have never been happier in my life, even with everything going on in the world - when you are able to liberate yourself, you feel free.

"You'll never be a real woman"

Yeah, I get that one a lot. And it hurts.

Because in a way, you're right. I will never have XX chromosomes, I will never be able to give my husband a baby, and I will certainly not be able naturally produce oestrogen.

But over the years I have been able to accept that my gender identity has little to do with my genetics, and more to do with who I am as a human being. (2)

"You're going to regret it"

The issue with this statement is, that people believe that they are supplying you with the most helpful advice you'll ever hear... but in reality, you're disregarding me as a person.

What will I regret?

Will I regret finally being me? Will I regret being happy? Or will I regret accepting myself for who I am?

What hurts the most, is that the people that are supposed to be supporting me the most, are the ones that are saying this. Do you think that I have not spent 18 years of my life considering whether or not to come out? If you love me you should be happy for me - not suddenly taking an interest in my gender identity out of nowhere.

My views on hate

Personally, I believe that people who hate on others, have deep insecurity about their own lives.

I try to remember this every time I receive hate. In all honesty, I imagine how much hurt someone must feel to comment something negative beneath my posts. I remember that they are hurting more, and I feel sorry for them.

Hurt people hurt people.

You might receive some hate in the future, and when you do - please remember to hold your head high and focus on what is truly important.

I have received so much support and kindness from my friends and followers since I came out as transgender. I cannot thank you enough for that.

Always stay true to yourself, and let yourself be the light shining through the negativity.

  1. secondary school

  2. sex vs gender

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